A Father's Day Reflection

Those of you who are only here for the pictures can skip this post--it has none. But for those of you who stop by for both the pictures and the writing, well, I feel particularly reflective today, so I figured I'd get my thoughts out there. Read on....

Yesterday was my first Father's Day. It's an interesting experience, that's for sure. I guess I knew growing up that I'd one day be in that hallowed category of father, but to be honest I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself now that I was. I suspect that the only reason I wanted to be a dad when I was growing up was because I saw the chocolate bars that dads got on Father's Day in church, and I wanted a piece of that action! What was my first church giveaway Father's Day gift? Dad's root beer. All that waiting and still no chocolate *sigh*.

I have to be honest with you here: I haven't felt like the greatest dad in the world in the days and weeks leading up to Father's Day. I certainly haven't felt like the kind of dad that should be honoured with his own special day. But the funny thing is that you don't get to choose whether or not to take part in Father's Day. It's kind of like your birthday--it is what it is no matter what you think about it. Yes, yes, I know that Father's Day is probably just an invention of the card companies (don't even get me started on Valentine's Day), but bear with me for a bit here as I develop this analogy to its incredibly obscure point.

The fact of the matter is that I chose to get into this parenting business. Has it been a cakewalk? No. Have I had enough sleep? No. Would I trade it for anything in the world? No. This is a job with low pay, occasionally bad hours, and literally crappy working conditions. But the validation of seeing my son smile at me, knowing that he knows who I am, is amazing. In fact, no adjective could possibly do it justice--it's a feeling that's completely other-worldly.

No matter how good or bad a job I think I'm doing, I'm still a dad. There are no mulligans. That's a scary thought, to be honest, and I have to admit to feeling more than a little bit overwhelmed by the magnitude of the task at various times over the past four months, as I think many new fathers are. But a thought occurred to me over the last day or two that has helped me make sense of it all. (Here's where I tie up the analogy--watch and learn!).

The bottom line is that my son makes me want to be a better person. I can't stop the flow of time, nor can I reverse it. And I can't take back things that I say or do because I know that once I've said and done them, Theo has seen or heard them, and he's been affected. I'm his dad, and that's the end of it. And that drives me to be better. I know that Theo will see me at my worst (just ask Steph--my worst is pretty bad), and knowing that makes me want to make my worst all that much better. You know what I'm saying here? Are you picking up what I'm putting down? I thought so.

What kind of man is Theo going to grow up to be? What kinds of decisions will he make? Where will he end up? I don't know. But I know that I have a role to play in shaping him into who he is going to be. And seeing him grow makes me want to grow too.

That's really what's so cool about being a dad. Yeah, the root beer is a good perk too, I'll admit it. But what really drives me is knowing that the better I become, the better my boy is going to be. I want to give him the best home, the most love, the best examples a little boy could know. But to do that I need to be the best role model I can be--I need to constantly get better. Sure, I'll show him how to hold a hockey stick and throw a football, but I'll also be responsible for teaching him what it means to be a man. It's an awesome task.

Okay, I'll admit that wasn't the best of my analogies. But it worked, didn't it? I hope I've made some sense, and I hope that I've maybe made some of you think a little. Thanks for stopping by today, and sticking with me. See you again later this week.